Archive | The Game’s Gone Crazy

The Adventures of Allardyce in Sunderland

Allardyce was beginning to get very tired of sitting in the shadow of his own ego outside the bank, and of having nothing to moan about: once or twice he had peeped into the book of tactics his replacement was writing, but it had no pictures of long balls in it, ‘and what is the use of a book about passing,’ thought Allardyce, ‘without pictures of the route one ball?’ He was considering in…

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Never mind Qatar, how much did Brazil pay to win last night’s game?

Well what a diabolical start to the World Cup. The opening ceremony was cringeworthy with unimaginative dancers and singers that nobody could hear, but that proved the perfect prelude to the most embarrassingly engineered home nation victory you could ever dread to see. It really is time for referees to be marched in front of the world’s media and interrogated about decisions which are so ludicrous that they bring the entire game into disrepute and leave everybody suspecting that…

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Joe Cole’s Downward Spiral complete with move to Aston Villa

Well, it seems even ‘Arry and QPR didn’t want him and clubs on the other side of the Atlantic said, “You did us over with London Bridge when we thought we were buying Tower Bridge, so we aint buying the duff Cole, be it Carlton or Joe.” So what was the former Boy Wonder to do when even Batman ‘Arry and the Yanks of Gotham City didn’t want him? The downward spiral started …

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A change of badge, shirt colour and name is long overdue

We sold the club’s soul when we appointed Allardyce. We’ve agreed the sale of the ground too. And any player worthy of the title has been converted into cash at the earliest opportunity since the days of Greenwood and Lyall, so why in God’s name get into a tizzy over the badge? Maybe crossed dildos could replace the hammers. Instead of the castle, move in the Olympic Rings, with each dildo piercing a ring in ultra suggestive fashion. Why not add …

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Tottenham already have Lennon, so why not sign McCartney?

With Spurs desperate for a replacement for Danny “A Rose by any other name would smell as shite” and with cash limited following the £100m splurge last summer, surely Pochettino should consider reuniting Lennon with McCartney, by signing the West Ham man recently released on a free. Before Spurs fans scoff, they should remember that West Ham did the treble over their rag bag bunch of overpriced millionaires last season, and “Linda” played in two of those …

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West Ham and QPR miss out on Midfield Maestro

What a shame. It seems the lure of mega dollars has persuaded Fat Frank to ply his trade on the other side of the pond, rather than return to his roots or to link up again with Uncle ‘Arry. A move by West Ham for the best player produced by the club since Moore, Hurst and Peters (and yes I’m counting Brooking!) was always unlikely given the fans’ antipathy for a player who, supposedly, was only selected …

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Should West Ham Rescue Scott Parker From Fulham?

It seems amazing doesn’t it, that such a great player as Scott Parker can be relegated from the top division of English football THREE times in a – as yet unfinished – career. Anybody would think, looking at that record, that the guy wasn’t that much cop! Incredibly, despite helping Fulham to a next to bottom place finish in the Premier League, Parker was overlooked for this season’s Player of the Year award. Maybe his team has to finish rock bottom …

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Do one Lescott!

So it looks like Lescott has shunned our advances. Well thank God for that! He laughed at suggestions that he might come to Upton Park on loan in January, and there’s no way we want somebody with that attitude at the club. In truth, Lescott is a very average player who has got more average by the day whilst living off the fat of Unreal City’s inflated wage bill. He lacks …

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If Sunderland’s Jack Colback is the answer, we are asking the wrong question!

So the latest big white carrot topped hope is apparently Jack Colback, because he is available on a free from Sunderland. Allardyce regards him as the best player presently available for nowt but he would wouldn’t he? Colback is an Allardyce type of player – high on energy and effort but very seriously lacking in one key department. Question. Aged 24, how many goals has Colback scored over his career? Answer, ten. Even more seriously, how many …

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It’s Mo-Go Diame!

Well he lost his mojo when Allardyce started playing him as the front man in a striker-less formation and then as a wide man because Jarvis was so consistently hopeless, but now, it seems, Diame simply wants out. How else can you account for his ridiculous comments about team mates not trying? Team mates not good enough might be a reasonable observation, but the one thing I witnessed all season was a team desperately trying to overcome its very …

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The Rebuilding Is Underway & Underwhelming!

So, three players have gone and the first new recruit is on his way. I’m not overly excited about the prospect of Zarate, but he has to be better than Maiga, Cole, Downing and Jarvis, doesn’t he? The fact that he can play wide but can also score goals points to the direction in which we are heading: no change in the 4-3-3 tactics, just a change in personnel. I hope somebody has told the Argentinian…

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West Ham owe it all to Tottenham Hotspur

Take a look at the final league table. After 38 games, West Ham ended up with 40 points, just 7 clear of relegation. And six of those points came courtesy of victories over Spurs! God knows what would have happened had we not swept to that amazing 3-0 victory at White Hart Lane back in October. Without Carroll and any forward worthy of the name, we looked nailed on certainties for the drop. Keeping clean sheets is …

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Sullivan Boxing Clever With Allardyce On The Ropes

Some of you may have noticed that this blog went quiet in February when we launched the winning run that secured our survival and that was down to good old fashioned East End superstition. Many would have promised not to change their underpants until West Ham lost, then until West Ham were guaranteed safety, but as a blogger, I pledged not to post until we were safely over the line. And, to be honest, with Allardyce in charge, what was there to …

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After Carroll ‘decision’, we know what FA REALLY stands for

Look closely and you can see my FA Appeals Committee! What an absolute joke. How the hell that red card has been upheld, only the FA knows. Even Laudrup conceded that the card was harsh, and with Swansea dropping like Sharon Stone’s knickers in Basic Instinct, he had every reason to talk the card up. The decision is a charter for cheats, and a testament to the pig headed arrogance of referees, because after seeing the replays, Howard Webb should …

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