Tag Archive | "author"

Sullivan excited by Nigerian deal

A transcript has emerged of the telephone call which alerted West Ham to the availability of ex Sunderland striker Asamoah Guyan, courtesy of a company working for Tottenham Hotspur: Voice down phone : Hello? Hello? Sullivan : David Sullivan here, owner and chairman of West Ham United Football Club and Merchant of  High Quality Porn. Voice down phone : Hello? Is that Mr David Sullivan? Sullivan : Sullivan here. Voice down phone : Mister Sullivan I am honoured to be speaking to …

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Curbishley’s back! At Fulham thank God!

Well we thought he had shot his bolt when he walked off in a huff because of the sale of Anton and McCarthorse. Curbishley was linked with a whole string of jobs but nothing materialised and even his talking head appearances on TV seemed to have dried up; not surprisingly given his hang dog look and East End accent. But Turds is back! And not as a coach, nor a manager. No! He is back as the “Technical …

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James Tomkins faces prison sentence after alleged assault on police officer

Bloody hell, West Ham had better find a crack lawyer and quick. Following his arrest, the club somehow needs to prove that the doorman and arresting officers are Tottenham fans and that this is a working class equivalent of Plebgate; because if the officers are telling the truth, then JT could well find himself doing a stretch inside. Drunk and disorderly is one thing. Chinning a pleb is usually admissible if you are a superstar footballer. But resisting …

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Manchester United 1 West Ham 1 – Let’s ignore the first 45 minutes!

Well it could have been much, much worse. A goal down far too early and two goals behind at half time, the clever money was on the Mancs to run in four, five or six. But credit where credit is due, we maintained our effort levels and actually drew the second half 1-1. To be honest, with Rooney pulling the strings brilliantly, we were always up against it. If only injury had kept him on the side lines, we might have come away…

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Half Time Tottenham 0 West Ham 0 – Backs to the wall stuff!

Well, that’s another payday for anybody who bet against West Ham scoring in the first 45, but credit where credit is due, Allardyce’s team of stiffs has defended stoutly thus far. Spurs have had chances, but not many, and Collins, McCartney, Diarra, O’Brien and Rat have been chucking themselves in front of shots and crosses as if their lives depend upon it. Anybody who wants Allardyce sacked should think about how committed this bunch of players are – until they go behind…

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Allardyce shows contempt for fans with selection of a team of stiffs

Ok, he doesn’t have many options, but why the hell are Taylor, Adrian and Diarra starting? I know some regard the Capital One Fan Cup as a nuisance distraction, but we are playing Spurs for pity’s sake, and we are one win away from a place in the semi-final. The team screams confused priorities. If we are saving players for the weekend – and what’s the point of that given …

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West Ham Link To Spot Fixing Investigation

So our former big white Colombian hope, Christian Montano has been dismissed by Oldham Pathetic because of the Spot Fixing allegation. Young Montano is presently launching a claim for unfair dismissal (he learnt something from Curbishley then!) but it seems strange that the club would do something so drastic without being pretty sure of their ground. Of course, this is not the first time there has been a link between West Ham and Spot Fixing.Years back there was a rumour centred around a throw-in conceded immediately …

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West Ham face Financial Fair Play penalties as new striker is lined up

So, Allardyce is in “advanced talks” with an unnamed striker and is trying to thrash out a deal with the player’s agent and his club. Great. The trouble is, it’s three months too bloody late! According to Allardyce, owner David Sullivan is “the quickest owner of a football club I have ever had. He doesn’t ‘ooh’, ‘aah’ and ‘um’ like most of the other owners I have been involved with”; which is a bit rich given an…

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West Ham could re-appoint Watford’s Zola and Steve Clarke

With Watford losing their fifth home game on the trot and West Brom sacking Steve Clarke, the tantalising prospect of re-uniting the management dream team at Upton Park has become an outside possibility. Many West Ham fans believe that Zola has unfinished business at the Boleyn and absolve the lovable Italian of any blame whatsoever for the decimation of the half decent team that Curbishley handed over when he …

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West Ham 0 Sunderland 0 – One of our worst performances ever!

Dear God, that was truly dire and illustrated perfectly the folly of the “all the eggs in one basket” transfer strategy over the summer. No Carroll, no hope. And it’s not as if Carroll is a goal machine when fit! Sunderland could have won 5-0 today and should have won by two or three clear goals. Thank Christ their strikers are as inept as ours and that Poyet doesn’t know Fletcher’s scoring record at Upton …

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Half Time West Ham 0 Sunderland 0 – Lucky not to be dead and buried!

What a truly dreadful 45 minutes. Sunderland should be at least two goals to the good, and even though Marriner seems to be in the pay of Poyet, that is disgraceful. Maiga, as usual, has been hopeless, failing with his two good chances to hit the target on either occasion, whilst Jarvis has been even worse. How many chances has he had to cross the ball, and how many times has he hit the ball yards wide of any West Ham player? But they are not alone in being…

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Half Time Crystal Palace 1 West Ham 0 – Pathetic!

This is disgraceful. This is a dire Palace team and they have been playing dire football for 45 minutes but we go in a goal behind for the same old reason, we can’t score. We were as much in control in that half as we were in the first 45 against Norwich, but there’s no point in dominating if you can’t put the bloody ball in the net. Now, if anyone can explain the logic …

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Fulham’s Parker Performs Perfectly at Upton Park

Bless him. Scotty rocked up at the Boleyn and put in his typical performance: 100% commitment, running himself into the ground, diving in front of shots, covering as many blades of grass as his ageing legs and lungs would allow, even charging into the penalty area on one tunnel-visioned run – and, of course, getting caught in possession twenty five yards out from his own goal, thereby setting up West Ham’s opening goal! If any game summed up Scotty, this was it!…

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West Ham 3 Fulham 0 – Breathing Space!

Well, looking back after the event, it was all very comfortable wasn’t it? Based on that showing, Fulham are in deep, deep, deep trouble and we look too good to go down. But let’s take a deep breath and look at things honestly. The team that started the game had scored just two goals between them all season. Some leapt on my negative half time report, in which I made Fulham favourites to run out 1-0 winners, based on the fact that they had goal scorers in their team …

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Half Time Guess What West Ham 0 Fulham 0

So Allardyce’s program notes list the strikers he tried to buy, but trying isn’t good enough. They wouldn’t join because they knew they wouldn’t get a game if Carroll was fit and available. Mind you, that was always going to be one hell of an IF! Today, Allardyce has returned to plan A. Maiga up front, Nolan behind, Jarvis and Downing out wide and Diame and Noble providing the midfield engine – and that might work if Jarvis could cross and Maiga could score. But Jarvis wastes opportunity after…

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West Ham help Gillingham to tune up for victory at Sheffield United

As warm up games go, the 9-0 hammering by a West Ham Eleven in mid week wouldn’t normally be what the doctor orders ahead of a key relegation 6 pointer. But the hapless Gills were still able to dust themselves down, travel North and spank hapless, helpless, hopeless and piss pot less Shafting United at the weekend. And as a result, the Blunted Blades are right back where they belong – in the bottom 4 of the old Third Division – second from bottom to be precise, just 2 points ahead of Notts County…

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Mystery Trialist Scores in Nine Goal Thumping of Gillingham

So, who is he? Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple and Jack Frost are on the case as we speak, trying to track down the mystery man who replaced Carlton Cole on 60 minutes in the nine goal stroll, the mystery man who is repeatedly called “Trialist” on the Official Site! We shouldn’t get too excited, of course – even Carlton and Maiga scored, which tells you everything you need to know about Gillingham – but, let’s face …

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Too good to go down?

The phrase has an uncomfortable resonance. Kanoute, Cole, Di Canio, Defoe, Johnson, Sinclair, Les Ferdinand – how could a team blessed with such talent possibly drop out of the top division? Well Allardyce knows, because Allardyce’s Bolton condemned us to relegation; and Sullivan and Gold know, because Sullivan and Gold’s Birmingham drove the final nail into our relegation coffin in the last game of that miserable, miserable season, a game we had to …

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Half Time Norwich 0 West Ham 1 – Exhibition football so far!

Well, for much of that first 45 minutes I thought I was watching a training game – or at most a pre season friendly. Our passing has been unnervingly precise, the movement has been wonderful, and with better luck and better finishing, we could be three goals ahead. Nolan has forced two saves from Ruddy, and really should have buried one of them, and Demel has hit the bar with a header from a corner. Meanwhile, Norwich have been chasing shadows and, when they have got the ball, have looked…

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Reid as big a loss as Carroll!

Norwich City’s luck has turned just days after the drubbing at the Etihad. Already without an attack because of the absence of Andy Carroll, West Ham must now take to the field at Carrow Road without the man who knits the entire defence together, Winston Reid. Suddenly, the game looks like a bloody minefield. We should be rubbing our hands together at the prospect of playing a team beneath us in the table., especially …

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Judas Loved Jesus Shocker as Defoe seeks Spurs exit!

Life is full of regrets isn’t it? Judas, of course, hanged himself after betraying the Messiah, and, whilst sopping short of that, Jermaine Defoe is apparently keen to put his head in the Upton Park noose after expressing regret about his infamous transfer request and expressing his love for West Ham. And why exactly? Because in a World Cup year, he is desperate to find himself a berth at a club where …

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Elliot Lee gives Allardyce a nudge as Sheffield United slip back into bottom four!

Ok, it was only Rotherham, but nevertheless, young Lee netted a crucial equalising goal in the last minute of the Divison 1 clash. And even more pertinent, given we are talking Allardyce, he scored with his head! So Sam, 38 crosses failed to find a West Ham nut against Villa, whilst Elliot Lee got his nodder on the end of one delivered by a Colchester team mate. Worth a chance perhaps? The kids did well at Burnley! Meanwhile Shafting United’s revival proved deliciously short lived. A 2-0 defeat at lowly Shrewsbury put them…

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English Premier League Table

# Team P
1 AFC Bournemouth 0
2 Arsenal 0
3 Aston Villa 0
4 Brighton & Hov… 0
5 Burnley 0
6 Chelsea 0
7 Crystal Palace 0
8 Everton 0
9 Leicester City 0
10 Liverpool 0
11 Manchester City 0
12 Manchester United 0
13 Newcastle United 0
14 Norwich City 0
15 Sheffield United 0
16 Southampton 0
17 Tottenham Hotspur 0
18 Watford 0
19 West Ham United 0
20 Wolverhampton Wanderers 0

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