So, who is he? Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple and Jack Frost are on the case as we speak, trying to track down the mystery man who replaced Carlton Cole on 60 minutes in the nine goal stroll, the mystery man who is repeatedly called “Trialist” on the Official Site! We shouldn’t get too excited, of course – even Carlton and Maiga scored, which tells you everything you need to know about Gillingham – but, let’s face …
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Mystery Trialist Scores in Nine Goal Thumping of Gillingham
Posted on 12 November 2013.
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Too good to go down?
Posted on 10 November 2013.
The phrase has an uncomfortable resonance. Kanoute, Cole, Di Canio, Defoe, Johnson, Sinclair, Les Ferdinand – how could a team blessed with such talent possibly drop out of the top division? Well Allardyce knows, because Allardyce’s Bolton condemned us to relegation; and Sullivan and Gold know, because Sullivan and Gold’s Birmingham drove the final nail into our relegation coffin in the last game of that miserable, miserable season, a game we had to …
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Allardyce Looking Down Wrong End of Telescope!
Posted on 03 November 2013.
Apparently Allardyce thinks we were unlucky not to beat Villa. Well on that basis, he was watching a different game from me! How many genuine saves did Guzan have to make? Two, if we count the Jarvis scuff and Joe Cole’s effort from a near impossible angle. And Villa? Well Jussi made two brilliant saves (from Wiemann in the first half and Benteke in the second) and the Villain’s Belgian also hit the …
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Half Time West Ham 0 Aston Villa 0 – No surprises there then!
Posted on 02 November 2013.
So, the inclusion of Collison has meant that we have reverted to a half way house between 4-5-1 and 4-6-0, with Nolan moved forward to play the lone striker come advanced play maker role. The possession stats are superb – something like 60-40 in our favour – and all allegations of long ball football must be consigned to the rubbish bin, but sadly for all our possession, we look absolutely toothless up front, …
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West Ham’s reserves and kids urinate in the Claret!
Posted on 30 October 2013.
So Burnley are running away with the Championship. Interesting. And according to Leeds and QPR fans who respond to this blog, West Ham are heading for the drop. Interesting again. Well, on the basis of last night’s game, there’s not much point in any side winning promotion from this season’s Championship then because the gulf …
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Half Time: Swansea 0 West Ham 0 – Hammers should be leading!
Posted on 27 October 2013.
Well, not for the first time this season, it is so far so good after 45 minutes. We have been the better team and have created the better chances, and with a goal scorer in the team would be ahead by now. Amazingly, we have been the better passing team and Swansea and it is Laudrup’s team that …
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West Ham set to continue with false number 9 at Swansea
Posted on 26 October 2013.
Let’s face it, whatever team Allardyce selects, we will be using a false number nine at Swansea. Analysts went way over the top after our win at Spurs, hailing the self proclaimed tactical guru for his genius in unveiling his new “False Number 9” formation, failing to understand that Alliadichi had been employing the same tactic since the start of the season. Be honest, you couldn’t find a more …
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Will young Lee show Freddie Sears what might have been?
Posted on 22 October 2013.
So another Academy product is out on loan and, based on recent history, that may be very bad news indeed. Yes Noble and Tomkins both had their loan stints – as did Rio and Judas Defoe of course – but more recently, when a kid is sent to the lower divisions, it generally means that he…
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Allardichi 1 Pellegridyce 3 – But no disgrace in that.
Posted on 19 October 2013.
Ok we lost and, if we are honest, we lost pretty heavily, but Man City were pretty bloody good and, our centre backs apart, we were decent. And to be fair to Tomkins and Reid, they were horribly exposed by Man City’s quick passing football and excellent movement. Last game, Big Sam thought he was the dog’s …
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Collins and Maiga don’t make the bench!
Posted on 19 October 2013.
No surprise that Allardyce has stuck with the eleven that beat Spurs, but the absence of Collins and Maiga from the bench is perhaps a little strange. So, Carlton Cole has already proved himself better than Maiga! It makes you wonder why he was released and rumoured suitors for Mogodon were rebuffed. Now we will struggle…
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El Apache Clarke sends Sheffield United to bottom of old Third Division!
Posted on 13 October 2013.
Sacking David Weir didn’t do much good then did it? But then, nothing will save Shafting United until the curse of Tevez is removed; and that will only happen when McScab and his Dusty Bin Arab co-owner repay the £25m blood money extorted from West Ham. Tevez was at it again today, disguised this time as journeyman Coventry striker Leon Clarke…
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Allardyce shows Barcelona, Arsenal, Tottenham, Accrington and Leeds how to play the game!
Posted on 13 October 2013.
Ok, it was only one game and ok he only employed the tactic because Carroll was injured and we don’t have another striker worthy of the name, but that’s not stopped the English Jose from claiming that his 4-6-0 formation has changed the game! The silly old sod genuinely seems to believe that …
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Ravel uses Tottenham warm up to prepare for altogether tougher challenge
Posted on 11 October 2013.
It’s good to see that Ravel used the Tottenham game to warm up for the much more challenging match against San Marino U21’s. Sadly, our new £19m Release Clause man couldn’t get on the score sheet – a feet achieved with sublime ease against Tottenham’s £100m team – but he did play a full part in helping England’s next Golden Generation …
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After the Tottenham Trouncing, Captain Kev Sounds Like Manager in Waiting
Posted on 07 October 2013.
Nolan has his critics but I have always been a big fan, so much so that I nominated him as the Player of the Season the year Parker was stupidly given the award. And listening to his post match interview after Tottenham’s tonking, you can see exactly why Sam Alliadichi loves him so much. The guy is captain, mentor, player and player manager rolled into one. Of course, our Kevin …
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Tottenham 0 West Ham 3 – Were you watching Benjamin Netanyahu?
Posted on 06 October 2013.
Were you watching Moses? Were you watching Shylock? Were you watching David Ben Gurion? Were you watching Golda Meir? Our lads gave your boys one hell of a beating! Where to start? The first half performance was good, but the warning signs were there. Townsend had the beating of Boomtown and Tottenham were beginning to camp in our half. True we had fashioned the best two…
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Jarvis, Maiga and O’Brien dropped!
Posted on 06 October 2013.
Well it’s not before time! At last Allardyce has woken up to the fact that Maiga is shit and grasped that Vaz Te, the man he wanted to offload, is a far better option up front. As for Jarvis, he has been on borrowed time all season so, with Downing fit and Cole on his way back, it is…
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Into the bottom three
Posted on 05 October 2013.
So, when was the last time we were in the bottom three of the Premiership? You have to go back to the time of Avram. Six or seven games into the season and the table is generally taking shape, and whilst we currently have a game in hand, it is hard to …
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Letting Collison move to Bournemouth is madness!
Posted on 01 October 2013.
Ok, so we all know the problem. We have a team that can’t score goals. The strikers are useless, and the midfielders get a nose bleed if they get anywhere near the box – Nolan apart who is now so slow that even Faye could pick up his jogs. True Morrison may be another exception but, if we are honest, he was pretty ineffective for the …
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Tigers 1 Hammers 0 – Referee Friend Receives Hull City’s Man of the Match Award!
Posted on 28 September 2013.
Well the penalty awarded to Hull in the first half was as soft as wet toilet paper but debateable if O’Brien did, indeed, stupidly shove Brady in the back, but the failure to award an equaliser penalty for the most obvious hand ball you will see this season was utterly inexplicable. Livermore clearly put his arm to ball and …
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Vaz Te or Maiga?
Posted on 26 September 2013.
Well, it shouldn’t take long to answer that one. Strawberries & cream or dog shit? London or Leeds? Italy or Albania? Ron Greenwood or Avram Grant? Paradise or Purgatory? So tell me, why the hell has Maiga started so many games whilst Vaz Te has been ignored? Bloody hell, Maiga …
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Ex Sunderland Boss Di Canio next in line to manage West Ham?
Posted on 23 September 2013.
So, how many West Ham fans want him now? Not so long ago, the Claret and Blue Klan were hailing Il Duce as the best thing to happen to football management since Brian Clough. Any suggestions that he was too hot headed, and would be a disaster as a manager, were met with howls of…
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Was Noble to blame for the Everton defeat?
Posted on 22 September 2013.
Noble’s critics were quick to blame their bête noir for the defeat against Everton, conveniently forgetting that Everton’s first equaliser resulted from a foul by Collins in exactly the same area of the pitch. There was no argument about the award when Collins rashly and needlessly tripped Barkley, but for some reason, Ginge has not…
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Everton trembling as Maiga leads the line again!
Posted on 21 September 2013.
So, despite looking as toothless at Southampton as a ninety five year old who has just gone ten rounds with Floyd Mayweather, the only change to the team is enforced, with Rat coming in for Demel. Everton’s defenders must be quaking in their boots at the thought of trying to shut out Maiga and co for ninety minutes! And …
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How brainless is Maiga?
Posted on 16 September 2013.
Right on cue, Captain Kev has made a statement in support of West Ham’s strikers and Maiga in particular. Nolan insists Maiga can and will score but Nolan is missing the point, just as Maiga misses the target. It’s not the guy’s ability that’s the problem, it’s his footballing intelligence. The guy is literally brainless. Just watch his movement, or rather lack of movement, when he doesn’t …
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Furious Allardyce Blames Referee Marriner
Posted on 15 September 2013.
Funny, I thought Allardyce set up to draw the game, so it seems a bit rich for him to be pointing the finger at referee Andre Marriner for the failure to score and take home 3 points. Listen to Doctor Evil and you would think we were somehow robbed. And the reason? Because Schneiderlin …
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Southampton’s Saints 0 Cynical Sinners 0 – a Snore Draw!
Posted on 15 September 2013.
Allardyce will be pleased but if every game was played like this, football would be dead as a spectator sport inside twelve months. Doctor Evil has the perfect excuse, of course – no Carroll, no Downing and no Cole – but he put this squad together and with the route one totem removed, we have no idea how to score. True Diame forced a great save in the …
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