Up The Hammers – Latest West Ham United FC News

Oh dear. Second half we were so much better, but in the first half the Geordies played us off the Upton Park. On came Morrison and, belatedly, Carroll after a lucky goal in the last minute of the first half, and suddenly Newcastle were on the back foot. First Taylor delivered a delicious cross from the right (with his right foot) and with Carroll not yet on the pitch, Carlton managed to slice wide of an open goal. Miss of the season contender one. Then Downing took the ball …

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Well we are still in it, but God knows how! Newcastle completely dominated the half and but for two Adrian saves, some poor finishing and half a dozen last ditch blocks, we could have shipped six or seven. Then, on the stroke of half time, Rat showed Jarvis how to cross, Carlton chest controlled the ball into Williamson’s path, and with his keeper on the deck, the Newcastle man supplied a clinical finish to bundle the ball over the …

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It was good to hear Hansen singing a West Ham players praises on MOTD for a change. Usually it’s all about how our centre halves are too far apart, how we can’t defend set pieces, how the position of our keeper is all wrong at a free kick and how detached our lone striker is. So for Hansen to say that he would be surprised if ANY player performed better this weekend than Noble at Cardiff, then we should sit up and take notice…

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Damn the man! We hate him. And hate him with good reason. He is a tactical Neanderthal. He is arrogant. He is coarse and crude and belligerent. But bugger him, just when you think you have him down and defenceless, he grabs your foot in mid kick and flips you over backwards! Let’s get one thing straight. Greenwood would not have won today’s game after a 5-0 and 6-0 hammering. Nor would Lyall. Nor Bonds. Nor …

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Those of us with long enough memories will read the suggestions of Carroll being rushed back early with a sense of deep trepidation. Who can forget the lumbering shadow of the player that he once was that Ashton cut when he was rushed back following his ankle break? Look at his scoring record in the history books and it would be difficult to imagine that anything was ever seriously wrong –  19 goals in 43 starts (with another 13 appearances as a sub) is a record that Andy Carroll could probably …

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As if the performance itself wasn’t sickening enough, the sight of Allardyce laughing in the post match press conference really twisted the knife in the guts. When pressed on the unhappiness of the fans, Allardyce had the audacity to laugh and tell the journalist that he had just won him 150 quid by leading with that question. Laugh? How dare he! Mock the fans who vented their understandable anger following a second thrashing in a week? That is beneath contempt. In fact, the guy seemed to …

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With every West Ham fan in the land weeping in humiliation, joint chairmen and owners David Gold and David Sullivan are rumoured to be planning to offer free seats at Upton Park to everybody wearing a Claret and Blue scarf until the end of the season. Speaking after the 6-0 reverse at Manchester City,  a source close to Mr Gold explained: “We really can’t ask the fans to pay to watch this crap any longer.” “It’s bad enough that they have been spending hard earned …

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Half time and it’s only 3-0. That proves the genius of Big Sam. He sacrificed the kids to save the big guns for this one, and look at how well we are doing! The decision to pick Adrian again was especially inspired. The guy is clearly bolted to his line and is a rabbit in the headlights of the Unreal City players as they pour into our box. Just what McCarthorse and Johnson’s Polish need behind them! Carlton’s on…

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Woe to those calling for Allardyce’s head! It’s not his fault. What else could he do? His squad is decimated. Other teams make changes for the Cup. We play Man City on Wednesday. They have had an extra day’s rest. The priority is the Prem. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, far from sack him, Sullivan and Gold had better thrash out a contract extension, doubling the tactical guru’s wages! This is the man who invented 4-6-0 and who wound the clock…

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No pressure game? Cobblers. this must be the last straw that breaks the camel’s back surely. Today was utterly and completely disgraceful and shameful. Never mind playing kids, the team played without pride, without spirit, without organisation and without shape. And who is to blame for that exactly? Sullivan and Gold now have to act. If Allardyce can’t motivate the likes of Jarvis and Downing to put in a shift – and neither broke sweat all afternoon despite sharing the armband – then what …

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So the first eleven are crap, the squad players are crap, and the kids are crap too it seems based on that first 45 minutes.  If this is anything like the team we will field in the Championship next season, then we will fall straight through the division! Mind you, the kids aren’t the worst players on the pitch! Look at Jarvis yet again! Time and again he has been one on one with the full back, and time and again he has failed to beat his …

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Well ‘Arry’s 100% record in 2014 was exploded with a vengeance at Goodison. After the narrow and late, late victory over little Donny, hope surged through the veins of the gRRRRs, but with England’s 666, Robert Green, rested, ‘Arry’s boys folded like an England cricket team in Australia. The gulf in class was huge: bloody hell, Jelavic scoring twice in a game is akin to club cricketer Smith scoring centuries in back to back tests against Anderson …

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What a pile of crap! Look at the starting eleven today and it was embarrassing. Never mind the injuries, the squad Allardyce has put together is simply pathetic, and the reason, of course, is the ludicrous purchase of the injured Carroll and the superfluous Downing. Any team featuring Demel, McCarthorse, O’Brien, a semi fit Diarra, Taylor, Collison and Maiga in the starting line up is going to struggle. Where was the creativity? Where was the flair?…

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Well, come the end of the day, the result wasn’t as disastrous as it could have been, thanks to every other result going in our favour, including the draws. Hull Tigers are showing what we could be achieving with a half decent squad but, of course, we haven’t got one. So Allardyce has hit the excuse button yet again. Now there’s a surprise! This time it’s the injuries, the lack of recovery time and the fans that are to blame. The injuries that have …

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I haven’t had a chance to listen to Allardyce’s whinges yet, having just got back from the game, but it’s a pretty safe bet that he is bemoaning missed chances, injuries and silly mistakes. What he will almost certainly not say is: “We are second from bottom and rightly so. Our football has been shit for most of the season and there’s no point in me moaning about missed chances because I have constructed a squad of players …

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A transcript has emerged of the telephone call which alerted West Ham to the availability of ex Sunderland striker Asamoah Guyan, courtesy of a company working for Tottenham Hotspur: Voice down phone : Hello? Hello? Sullivan : David Sullivan here, owner and chairman of West Ham United Football Club and Merchant of  High Quality Porn. Voice down phone : Hello? Is that Mr David Sullivan? Sullivan : Sullivan here. Voice down phone : Mister Sullivan I am honoured to be speaking to …

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Well we thought he had shot his bolt when he walked off in a huff because of the sale of Anton and McCarthorse. Curbishley was linked with a whole string of jobs but nothing materialised and even his talking head appearances on TV seemed to have dried up; not surprisingly given his hang dog look and East End accent. But Turds is back! And not as a coach, nor a manager. No! He is back as the “Technical …

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Bloody hell, West Ham had better find a crack lawyer and quick. Following his arrest, the club somehow needs to prove that the doorman and arresting officers are Tottenham fans and that this is a working class equivalent of Plebgate; because if the officers are telling the truth, then JT could well find himself doing a stretch inside. Drunk and disorderly is one thing. Chinning a pleb is usually admissible if you are a superstar footballer. But resisting …

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Well it could have been much, much worse. A goal down far too early and two goals behind at half time, the clever money was on the Mancs to run in four, five or six. But credit where credit is due, we maintained our effort levels and actually drew the second half 1-1. To be honest, with Rooney pulling the strings brilliantly, we were always up against it. If only injury had kept him on the side lines, we might have come away…

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For 18 months the guy has looked pretty bloody hopeless but, following his match winning goal against Spurs and sparkling all round performance after coming off the bench, there is the hope that he may be about to deliver. True it was only against Spurs, and even Vaz Te and Jarvis can score against Spurs this season, and true one goal does not a Premiership striker make, but confidence is such a…

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Well has anybody ever been more wrong? I lambasted the team selection. I said if Spurs scored, there would be no way back – and we could have scored five! And I mocked Jarvis and Maiga, the two goal scorers. Add in criticism of the inclusion of Adrian, who was excellent, Diarra who played with real composure, and Taylor who set up the Jarvis equaliser brilliantly and also forced a superb save from Lloris, and I couldn’t have…

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Well, that’s another payday for anybody who bet against West Ham scoring in the first 45, but credit where credit is due, Allardyce’s team of stiffs has defended stoutly thus far. Spurs have had chances, but not many, and Collins, McCartney, Diarra, O’Brien and Rat have been chucking themselves in front of shots and crosses as if their lives depend upon it. Anybody who wants Allardyce sacked should think about how committed this bunch of players are – until they go behind…

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Ok, he doesn’t have many options, but why the hell are Taylor, Adrian and Diarra starting? I know some regard the Capital One Fan Cup as a nuisance distraction, but we are playing Spurs for pity’s sake, and we are one win away from a place in the semi-final. The team screams confused priorities. If we are saving players for the weekend – and what’s the point of that given …

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So our former big white Colombian hope, Christian Montano has been dismissed by Oldham Pathetic because of the Spot Fixing allegation. Young Montano is presently launching a claim for unfair dismissal (he learnt something from Curbishley then!) but it seems strange that the club would do something so drastic without being pretty sure of their ground. Of course, this is not the first time there has been a link between West Ham and Spot Fixing.Years back there was a rumour centred around a throw-in conceded immediately …

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So, Allardyce is in “advanced talks” with an unnamed striker and is trying to thrash out a deal with the player’s agent and his club. Great. The trouble is, it’s three months too bloody late! According to Allardyce, owner David Sullivan is “the quickest owner of a football club I have ever had. He doesn’t ‘ooh’, ‘aah’ and ‘um’ like most of the other owners I have been involved with”; which is a bit rich given an…

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With Watford losing their fifth home game on the trot and West Brom sacking Steve Clarke, the tantalising prospect of re-uniting the management dream team at Upton Park has become an outside possibility. Many West Ham fans believe that Zola has unfinished business at the Boleyn and absolve the lovable Italian of any blame whatsoever for the decimation of the half decent team that Curbishley handed over when he …

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